We are not actually in the midst of finals yet- at least, not the 1Ls at NEL|B. We had classes end a week ago, and our first finals is not until Friday, the day after tomorrow. And go until May 17th.

I’m mostly doing okayish. Well, that’s not true. Studywise, I think I’m doing okay- or at least the best I can, but my roommate is not home at the moment to hear me wake up in the middle of the night hollering “STRICT SCRUTINY when-the-government-has-a-compelling-interest-and-the-ends-and-the-means-and-no-other-option-government-has-the-burden-of-proof-OH GOD”

I said last week, to aforementioned roommate, that I was doing okay because the worst thing had already happened, and that was my computer crashing and no longer being under warranty and needing $1200 for Apple to fix it (I KNOW) and not having my shit backed up. But we got through it- my data was saved, I was able to get it fixed by a friend for $30 (which is a lot less than $1200), it all worked out. And, not being a dummy, I then looked up and said “Please don’t take that as a challenge.”

Some challenges are too much for even God to resist. Because I found out on Sunday, May 2nd (read, four days before finals start) that my biological father died. On April 3rd.

The details aren’t that important- divorce when I was little, no interest in me at all, blah blah blah, seen him once since I was six, got the news that he was dying right before fall finals (I KNOW). And I ended up finding out over FACEBOOK. (I KNOW) While I was in the library.

So the stress is kind of horrid at the moment.

The news that he was dying was withheld from me for a couple of weeks because my mom found out right (like, almost immediately) after I’d had a huge meltdown before fall finals, and she wanted to wait until I was more even-keeled. And then things kept happening that she kept putting it off and putting it off, until it was weeks later. I wasn’t mad, because I understood why she did it, but I did request that she not do that again. She agreed.

This time, mom didn’t know- my paternal grandmother didn’t tell any of us (seriously, who does that?). And while it is true that if I had been told right away, it would have been at the same time my computer died (with all the drama surrounding it- that $1200 price tag was pretty drama-riffic). I think I would have preferred to get the news right away. The way it went down, I not only have to deal with my conflicting feeling about the whole death thing, I also have to deal with my anger at being ignored like that. All of that, plus the Dormant Commerce Clause. It sucks.

The takeaway I have from all of this (of course I have one), is that news shouldn’t be withheld. I don’t care how bad the timing is, just tell people things. Because the timing is always gonna be bad, and it’s gonna be worse the longer you wait. So just tell people things.