This was originally posted in my livejournal- and “Last Friday” was me, at forms class, reijuring my knee on an ax kick gone awry.  And it was really really frusterating because a) it hurt, and b) the promotion test was on Sunday.  Master Kim, who was right there when it happened, told me not to worry about it- he knew that I knew my stuff, and he would pass me right there.  And then he told me to go find out what was wrong with my knee, because I was getting really good.  Which I’m still in shock over. 

It was a lot of mood swings in a very short time. 

(Um, that said, I was perfectly happy to not have to spar.) 

Last Friday, in all of it’s heartbreak and amazement, really did happen. I got my new belt on Wednesday.

And the thing that keeps me going “No, really, did that all just happen?” is the part where Master Kim said that I was good.

Because, really. I’m not. I’m not naturally good at anything physical- I have to really work at it, and my body, being what it is, has it’s limits, and objects strongly when those limits are tested much. So I have to find ways to work within and around those limits. And here is where it’s become really obvious that in spite of, oh, everything, I have grown up a little.

I said last week sometime that one of the things that’s great about tae kwon do class is that it’s 2 hours or so each time I go in that I, very literally, cannot worry about anything else. The world, for me, for that time, is shrunk down to the do jang, and what the instructor wants us to do and me and my feet on the mat. There is nothing else.

 And that’s the key- no screwing around. You pay attention. You ask for clarification when you need it. There are other students who go to more classes than I do, but don’t have the same focus during class. They just do their thing, where I have to make sure that I know what I need to ask my body to do (and here’s the kicker) (…sorry), and how to ask my body to do it. That’s not to say we don’t have setbacks.

Barry and I think we were able to piece together what happened on Friday (Instead of flexing my knee and sitting a bit in the kick, I probably locked or hyperextended my knee and the ligaments don’t support as well as the muscles do). I know what I should do, and 90% of the time, I do it right, and most of the time when I do it worng, there isn’t any real damage done. But shit happens.

Anyway. That’s the key. Focus. Work with what you have. Be who you are. And you go from there.